on open-handedness

I'm learning about open-handedness...
                        
the practice of relinquishing my tendency/need/desire to clutch/cling/grip in an attempt to manage/control/rule

so that I can be in right relationship and complete surrender to my Creator

***

I see my close-handedness in a thousand big and small things...my selfishness with my time and money, my need to be right or have the last word, my frequently-offended heart...every single time my focus or priority is me.

Identifying it is the first step. 

Then I can start confessing my closed hands

and praying for God's direction and strength

to start opening up my fists

and giving all the thousand big and small things back to Him.

***

Progress seems slow and small and sometimes painful. 

I congratulate myself for giving away possessions or sacrificing my time and denying myself comforts, and I feel such pride...over what?  Obedience?  Giving away things that were never truly mine?  O Pharisee, guard your heart.

Because I realize that as hard as it may feel in these beginning stages to open my hands when it comes to stuff or money or time...that's child's play.

I think of a friend who is burying his father this week

or friends who long for the love of a spouse or the blessing of a child

or friends who struggle with failing health or the terrifying diagnosis

and sometimes the idea of such loss/grief/pain feels overwhelming and unbearable

The thought of living open-handed with my loved ones

or my health

or my deepest longings

or my biggest dreams

...that would be true sacrifice.  Dear God, please don't ask me to live without [insert him, her, it].

***

Hebrews 13:5
Let your character or moral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down ( relax My hold on you)! [ Assuredly not!]
***

I'm learning about open-handedness

...and I'm starting to realize it has nothing to do with the thing in my hand

and everything to do with faith...and trust...and love...and my Heavenly Father

and HIS hands

that hold mine

and hold me

and hold the thousand big and small things.