in the mean time

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.  Hebrews 11:1

I haven't had a lot to write about lately.  Part of the problem is just the fact that life just gets busy - adjusting to a new job, training for my first marathon, and now the rapid acceleration of time that occurs every year around the holidays.  It seems like October 31 until January 1 is just a blur every year. 

I have plenty of excuses but the sad truth of it is that I haven't been feeling very close to God lately.  I know He is unchanging.  He never distances Himself from me or shuts me out...which means I'm definitely the problem.  I just haven't been spending as much time seeking Him or listening for His voice lately.  The result is that I don't have as much of the peace and joy that is available in His presence, and I miss out on the revelations He loves to give me if I'm close and quiet enough to hear. 

All this got me thinking that perhaps the hardest part of my journey with God isn't the darkness of the valley or the self-centeredness of the mountaintop but the slow uncertainty of the in between.  

We all love the good times - you get the dream job, you fall in love, your prayer is answered or your circumstances seem to fall in place.  God's presence and goodness are impossible to miss on the mountaintop.  And while no one wishes for the bad times when everything falls apart, there still seems to be a supernatural grace for those dark hours.  His strength is made perfect in our weakness.  It becomes clear that He is our only real comfort.  So even though it's hard and painful, God somehow feels so close and so real that it makes the valley meaningful and worthwhile and bearable.

And yet, the reality is that most of life is spent somewhere in the middle - not the depths of the despair or the heights of ecstasy but the day in and day out of ordinary life.  You go to school or work or the dentist.  You take vacations.  You shuttle around kids and clean house and stay up late watching "Friends" reruns.  You spend time with the same people mostly doing the same things.  You fold laundry and fold laundry and fold laundry.  Eventually, you may even put up the laundry - or you dig it out of a pile and wear it and wash it and fold it again...but I digress.  My point is that a big chunk of life is the mundane of pattern and routine.  Rinse and repeat.  Set your alarm with optimism.  Hit snooze repeatedly with regret. 

Life can start to feel like a whole lot of "meantime" between the big stuff, whether its the good (mountains) or the bad (valleys).  [I've actually heard people refer to it as a "mean time" because so many of us struggle with the waiting, the mundane, the uncertain, the in-between...it feels "mean" to be stuck there.]   

Hopefully, we are always growing and learning.  Hopefully, we soak up every minute up and enjoy all the big and small moments that make up a life.  Hopefully, we learn "the secret of being content in any and every situation" like Paul.  (Philippians 4:12).  But if you're like me, if doesn't feel like much is happening in the meantime you might just feel stuck...and tired...and uninspired...and frustrated.

I think these are the seasons the bible describes as periods of "waiting" or "resting" or "dwelling."  I'm learning that in these "mean times" I need to practice what John 15 refers to as "abiding."  Because even though I often feel all alone in these in-between seasons, God's word makes it clear that I'm actually in really good company.  Abraham had to wait.  Joseph waited.  David waited.  Moses waited.  The Israelites waited over and over and over.  Ruth.  Ester.  Jacob.  Elisha.  Caleb.  Paul.  JESUS.

Nobody's life is all mountains or all valleys - and that is part of God's kindness because we couldn't bear either of those.  We'd either become proud and self-reliant and out of touch with the hurting or we'd be broken under the weight of our own sorrows.  So God gives us the meantime to get to know Him...to discover how much He loves us...to learn how to love the people He loves better...to become more and more like Him.

"Everything God does is relational. He’s bent on turning every circumstance around so that we discover the height, depth, length and breadth of His love." - Graham Cooke

So how can I draw near to God in this mean time?  How can I abide a little better?  

I still have A LOT to learn but there are a few things God's been showing me:

1.  I can rest.  That doesn't mean taking more naps (although I'm convinced sometimes the most spiritual thing I can do for myself and the world around me is to just put myself to bed.)  The rest I'm really talking about is a soul rest.  It's letting go of what I can't control or change or understand.  It's refusing to worry to have something to do.  It's choosing to trust God.  It's accepting who and where I am and remembering that God's love for me has nothing to do with my efforts. 

"The Lord replied, 'My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.'"  Exodus 33:14

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."  Matthew 11:28

2.  I can choose truth over my feelings.  Some things are true whether I feel them or not.  God is sovereign...and good...and loving.  When the world feels out of control, when there seems to be more evil than good, when the future looks bleak and hopeless, I can still choose to believe God's word and trust in His character.  My feelings lie and change and half the time, even I can't understand them. This world and it's opinions are always shifting and morphing at the whim of the mob.  Only God is consistent.  Only His nature does not change.  Only He is eternally trustworthy. 

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."  James 1:17

"God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?"  Numbers 23:19

3.  I can get my focus off myself.  If I'm the center of my universe, life starts to feel really small and pointless and boring and petty.  Let's face it...we are all lovely people but we make terrible universes (just ask someone close to you).  When I shift my focus to loving the people around me and seeking out ways to bless others, I immediately start feeling better and lighter and more hopeful and closer to God.  There are a thousand studies about the benefits of volunteering and doing acts of kindness.  Try it.  I promise you'll like it. 

"Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to the family of faith."  Galatians 6:10 

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."  Ephesians 4:32

Before we know it, another mountain or valley will arrive.  How prepared we are and how we respond will depend a great deal on what we have been doing with the mean time.  I don't want to waste another second.

"Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom."  Psalm 90:12

can we all be friends again yet?

The past few days have been hard on my heart.  Not because of the election results - I believe God puts people in power, whether it's the person I voted for or not.  No, my heart has been hurt by the people that I love who have said or posted things that condescendingly lump together every other person that saw things differently than they did.  [And since the politics of this country are pretty evenly divided, every time we talk about "them" we are talking about half of all Americans...if you're like me and have a diverse group of friends, that could be a lot of people you care about.]

I know this was a particularly bitter election.  I know people are passionately invested in their view - I'm one of them.  I've been devastated over elections in the past because I truly could not comprehend what the people who voted opposite me were thinking.  But it is one thing to not understand or think the person who voted differently from you was wrong...misinformed...naive.  It is entirely another to size up their hearts and assign them motives based on your opinions.  And I'm sick of it.  And I'm suddenly awfully sorry for all the times I've done it.

If you know me at all you know that I'm not a racist.  I'm not homophobic.  I'm not uneducated or illiterate.  I'm not sexist or a misogynist.  I try not to hate anybody.  I really, truly have been praying and preparing to respect a leader I didn't vote for - a leader that I believed to be a liar and a cheater and a briber and quite possibly a murderer...a leader that believes things that go against my most important deeply held values.  But as a believer, I'm called to respect authority.  As an American, I'm called to appreciate the freedom we have and that means accepting what the people choose even when I think they've chosen wrong...even when their choice does not reflect me.  I realize that a lot of people were genuinely shocked by the outcome of the election so I'm trying to have grace and compassion for those that maybe haven't had enough time yet to adjust.  I know the stages of grief that come before acceptance.  I know it's hard.  Believe me, when it comes to politics, I've been there...more than once.

But...

I keep thinking about how, as a believer, I can show love.  How do I walk in love when people that I love are saying incredibly hateful things about me by lumping me into a group.  I've tried to stay silent.  I've resisted the urge to defend myself over and over.  (I didn't vote for hate, I voted against tyranny.  I didn't vote for a bully I voted against a crook.  What should you tell your kids?  Well tell them to be encouraged that you still can't lie, cheat, steal and murder your way into power.  How did this happen?  This happened because a lot of us are sick of being condescended to because we still value things like freedom and opportunity and life even if it is unborn.)  Because, you see, that is a big part of the problem - we are all picking our version of the "truth" and then throwing everyone else with a different "truth" under the bus.  We've got a bunch of labels we get to pick and apply.  I have seen so many slanted posts, articles, etc. that are presented as "truth" that I just want to scream.  No matter how authoritatively you say something, no matter how strongly you believe it, that doesn't make it TRUTH.  It's still your opinion.  Well, he IS a bully.  Nope.  Opinion.  Well, she IS a crook.  You guessed it, opinion.  Because very few things in this world are actually unequivocally true and when it comes to sizing up people's hearts and motives, we cannot know the depths of another person.  We can't.  Not possible.  Yes, he's said incredibly insensitive things.  Yes, she's been investigated.  Yes, we are all entitled to our opinions and our slant and yes, we're allowed to look down on people that just don't "get it" (according to us).

Unless...

If you're a believer, like me, we're called to something higher.   
We're called to love our neighbors as ourselves.  

Some of you are saying incredibly hateful things about me and my vote.  And I'm afraid if the tables were turned, I would be saying incredibly hateful things about you and your vote.  But I hope not.  I hope that I would be trying with all my might to be gracious and optimistic.  Because no single man or woman is going to destroy our country.  We the people might try but that's possible no matter who is President.  Ultimately, Jesus reigned long before there was a United States and He will reign long after this incredible idea has passed away.

Can we at least consider that we might never be able to change the world or politics on our own but we are going to interact with our friends and loved ones in real life, face to face?  And the things we are saying and doing right now impacts those friends and loved ones?

It hurts me when you categorize me as a bigot or an idiot or a homophobe.  I'm sure it hurts you when I categorize you as a baby killer or a free-loader or a moron.  It's not true and it's not helpful.  And I am so very sorry.  I remember how disappointed I've been in past elections.  I said things I wish I could take back.  This time, I'm trying to listen.  To love.  To understand.  And all I can say is this:  I'm sorry you're hurting.  I'm sorry that you're confused and disappointed.  I'm sorry you feel helpless and hopeless and out of touch with the new administration.  I understand.  I've felt all those things.  But can we just pause for a moment and remember who we are?  Remember our relationship?  I'm your friend, your niece, your co-worker.  I didn't vote out of hate, I voted out of the same frustration you're feeling.  I voted out of my faith just like you did. Can't we disagree on what this country needs and still realize we need each other?  Can't we still try to be kind instead of condescending?  Oh how I hope so.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.  
1 Peter 4:8

enough

You know those moments when you witness or hear about or participate in something extraordinary?  When, like clouds breaking to reveal a beautiful sunny sky, all of the sudden the confusion and difficulty and pain of this world lifts...and you feel like you're a part of something massive and priceless and eternal?  Suddenly, love feels sweeping and palpable...and good is so completely and obviously greater than evil...and your existence is instantly filled with meaning?

a boy gives a stranger the shoes off his feet
a runner stops and goes back to help the competition cross the finish line
strangers work together and risk their own safety to rescue a dog from a raging river
a major city orchestrates a day for a little boy to be a hero
college students dress up like storybook characters to cheer up kids in the hospital
competing teams work together to let the team manager with autism score a goal
a man defends a girl he doesn't know at a bus stop from bullies
concertgoers lift up a guy in a wheelchair so he can see the show better
an entire town comes together to learn sign language for one young man
people shave their heads so that loved ones going through cancer don't feel so alone
a hairdresser goes around giving free makeovers to homeless people
people take time to serve the weak, the scared, the elderly, the broken
and this list could go on and on and on

*THIS* IS WHAT WE'RE CAPABLE OF.  
*THIS* IS THE CROWNING JEWEL OF CREATION.  
*THIS* IS HUMANITY.
 
***

Last night I had coffee with someone that I find to be extraordinarily beautiful and stylish and talented and lovely and good and kind and gentle and thoughtful and fun and sweet and about a billion other things and tears welled up in her eyes because the voice in her head doesn't speak those nice things to her.  The eyes that look in her mirror don't see what's really there.  She feels all kinds of things about herself but they can all be summed up in two little words.

not enough.

More often than not, she feels like she's just not quite "enough" - whatever enough is.

***

I'm in a Voxer group with several incredible, talented, smart, funny, creative, strong, beautiful, generous, loving (seriously, I could go on and on) women.  Lately, we have been talking about self-image...about the horrible, mean things we tell ourselves and the judgments we've felt from family and friends and strangers over our lifetimes.  Every single one of us has felt it.  Some of us feel it still.  Sometimes it's all we feel.

not enough.

We don't all agree what "enough" would look like or feel like but we agree that its a struggle to find it and live there.

***

I have an amazing life.  I've been blessed beyond anything I could ever hope to deserve.  Incredible family.  Amazing friends.  Health.  Education.  Opportunity.  Provision.  And for most of my life - nearly as far back as I can remember - I've battled depression.  It's too complicated to sum up in a paragraph but an enormous part of my struggle is the fact that I live with a cruel and spiteful bully.  Nearly every waking minute, she's taunting me: "you're hideous...why can't you do anything right...you look awful...no one wants to be around you...you're not smart enough to do this...nobody cares what you think...you are such a disaster...this is why you're single...you're completely unlovable..."  I would never spend time with another human being that treated me like this, and yet I let this wench berate me 24/7.  She reminds me over and over.

not enough.

Maybe I could be if I stopped hitting snooze or lost the weight or got out of debt...but certainly not the way I am right.this.second.

***

I know it sometimes feels like this world is going to hell in a handbasket.  I know life is hard and scary and impossible to understand.  I know some people are walking through circumstances I can't even bear to imagine.  So I'm not trying to be naive or simplistic.  I'm not trying to minimize anyone's struggle or pain.  And I'm not trying to be bossy.  Really.  I'm not.  But...

I think there is a really cool thing we should all try.  (But since I'm only in charge of me, I will just go ahead and get started.)

JUST BE KIND.

Be kind.  Be kind.  Be kind.

Be kind to the people you work with.
Be kind to strangers.
Be kind to people who are like you...and the people who are different.
Be kind to the Democrats...and to the Republicans...and to those radicals that are messing everything by voting third party. (I kid, I kid.)
Be kind to the people that don't drive right...the ones that take 23 items into the 10 item lane...the ones that text during movies.  (Insert your own pet peeve and then be kind to that person.)

Be kind to your family - I think sometimes that's harder because they've already seen your warts and they have to love you anyway...but that shouldn't be a license to test their endurance.  Yes, they can handle the worst of you...but don't they deserve the best?  Just try it.  Be kind.

Now here is the really hard part...

BE KIND TO YOURSELF.

YOU.  The person reading this.  Whoever you are.  Whatever is going on in your world.
For just a moment tell that voice in your head that sounds like you but is a really mean little jerk to SHUT THE HELL UP.  (I'm sorry but I'm fired up!)

You are incredible.
You are lovely and rare and special in ways you can't begin to imagine.  
You are loved.  I promise you are.
You have so much good to offer this world and you're the only one that can give it.  No one else can be you.  Ever.  In all of history and for all the time to come.
You matter.
You are priceless.
You deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin.  
You don't have to strive so hard - just rest for a minute in the reality that by just being you, you're changing the world forever.
You deserve to be at peace with yourself.
You - exactly how you are in this very moment - are enough.
You are enough.
You are enough.
You are enough.

***

Ok, so remember how this all started - that feeling you get in the presence of the extraordinary?  You have the capacity to bring that feeling to everyone around you because...

YOU ARE EXTRAORDINARY.  

You are.  It is a fact.  You don't have to believe me.  Just sit with it for a moment and ask God what He thinks about you.  

***

Now - go out into the world and be who you are.
Try looking for the extraordinary in every single person you cross paths with.
See what happens.

*THIS* IS WHAT WE'RE CAPABLE OF.  
*THIS* IS THE CROWNING JEWEL OF CREATION.  
*THIS* IS HUMANITY.

P.S. If you ever need a reminder that people are extraordinary, google "restore faith in humanity" and you'll be bombarded with examples.  You should also follow Love What Matters on Facebook.  You're welcome.