I couple days ago I stumbled upon a blog post I wrote called "on seeing the answer" exactly (get this!) 2 years to the date of the post. Coincidence? I think not. I really thought I'd deleted this whole blog, to be honest. But after reading a few posts, it became clear why God brought it back to my attention.
The bad news? I am dealing with the exact. same. lessons. Two years and I still haven't learned??? Seriously??? I have a new job, a new hair color, a new apartment, a new city...and (apparently) the same old heart issues.
The good news? I am dealing with the exact. same. lesson. This tells me it's important. God hasn't let it go so it is obviously an area that I can't just decide to be weak in and move on to other issues. He wants to deal with it and give me freedom once and for all. I'm encouraged to realize that God is patiently working with me on me. He let me run away from my problems and make changes and big and small decisions and be happy, but he brought me back. He's not dropping it - which means he doesn't give up on me. He's kind so he gave me a little break. But break's over. He's lovingly saying its time to get back to work.
This time, I don't have an answer.
I still feel like God might be asking too much.
But this time, I'm not giving up. I'm going to let God teach me or change me or break me...honestly, sometimes it feels like this might kill me...but I'm not giving up.
God, I trust You. I'm waiting with you and for you. I'm believing until I see. I'm yours.
