Lately I have felt like God is asking too much
to love when I'm not loved back
and wait while nothing changes
and hope when things seem hopeless
and believe when there is no reason to
and give when I haven't received
and I feel stupid
embarrassed
afraid
lonely
weak
helpless
foolish
rejected
I've been asking for a sign
or a change in my circumstances
or permission to give up and move on
for any indication things are changing or I am changing or there is hope for change
nothing
except the same scriptures that keep popping up over and over in all different places and ways
"In quietness and confidence shall be your strength." Isaiah 30:15
"Trust in the LORD and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes." Psalm 37:3-7
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Over and over...
Wait and be quiet.
Trust and obey.
Love without expectation.
Be patient.
Have faith.
Love when its undeserved.
Be still.
Wait.
Trust me.
Love.
Be quiet.
Obey.
And sometimes I still feel stupid
embarrassed
afraid
lonely
weak
helpless
foolish
rejected
But sometimes I feel hopeful
courageous
free
Sometimes I feel peace
expectation
joy
and sometimes I don't feel anything
so since my feelings can't be trusted anyway I am trying to focus on what I know to be true
He loves me
He is sovereign
He is good
He is with me
He is worthy
and perhaps that is enough
