on goodwill toward men

sometimes it sneaks up on you and you hear an old Patti Griffin song and you think of  the boy that played you her album in a college dorm room a million moments ago and you run a quick search on facebook and you see a face that has inspired love and hate and movie-scene heart thumping and cry-your-eyes-out heartbreak and you feel only goodwill...happy you knew him and loved him once, relief your paths went in different directions and peace with the time and the distance and the new lives the years have brought each of you

sometimes you're still waiting on it when you hear a name in passing and your heart contracts and knots form instantly in your gut and you think of all the plans and dreams that turned out to be lies and empty promises and you feel a sliver of fear that you're permanently crippled by the mistakes and misjudgments and you don't want the future man in your life to suffer the consequences of the wounds of the past that are slow in healing

but even in the hard and scary and lonely moments you realize how much you want to believe and how far you've come and how no matter how long it seems to be taking or how foolish you feel so often that you still have hope

so you pray for help and direction and wisdom to recognize the real thing and not to settle for anything less and you grab on to the tiniest flicker of peace and you hang on to it and you remember to be thankful that you're already loved enough for a million lifetimes

"But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation."  Psalm 13:5