a life well-lived

Last Saturday night I had the great privilege of witnessing something spectacular.  On a high school football field in a tiny little town in southern New Mexico, under twilight skies and stadium lights, more than a thousand people* gathered to say goodbye.  They cried together, laughed together and spent a couple hours remembering two young men who used a relatively brief time on earth to make an extraordinary impact.  The event that triggered our gathering was a devastating tragedy, but, somehow, Saturday night was not a melancholy occasion.  On the contrary, it was a celebration.  A tribute to two well-lived lives.  A glimpse into the incredible impact a person can have on the people and the world around him.

One of the young men remembered was my friend.  The other young man was my friend's oldest son.  The people who spoke described loving, charming, honorable men who shared their joy and smiles and fun and many gifts with those around them.  I knew some of the stories...others I heard for the first time.  I'd only met the son once or twice in passing when he was a little boy, but it was clear from all accounts that he was a special guy - wise for his age, fun and funny and smart and hardworking.  Two remarkable people who forever changed the world around them simply by being the best versions of themselves.

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I have to admit, when I first heard the news of their passing, my first thought was why.  Why would God allow this?  Why did this family have to suffer another loss?  Why do bad things happen to such good people?  Because of my faith, I truly believe to the depths of my soul that everything happens for a reason and that God works all things for good...but when something like this happens...I have to admit that I struggle...because I just don't understand.  And the truth is, I will probably never understand this.  But after Saturday night, my whys are a little different.  Why was I so blessed to get to share in these lives?  Why was God so kind to me to put my friend in my life?  Why did I get the privilege of witnessing this amazing outpouring of love and community?  And while I still don't understand, I'm so incredibly thankful.  Since that night, my heart has been overflowing with gratitude...for the memories I have with my friend...for the fact that his life touched mine...for the beautiful community we share.

When I left the field Saturday night, after hugging friends from a lifetime ago and crying with family and witnessing the very best this world has to offer in the love and faith and community and kindness being poured out in front of all of us, I felt an overwhelming peace and appreciation for the life I've been given.  Growing up in a wonderful community, having a loving family, making friends and memories that have lasted a lifetime...I've been so incredibly blessed.  It got me thinking about the legacy I want to leave when my days on this planet are over.  How do I want to be remembered?

One thing that stood out to me after the service was all of the things that people didn't talk about.  My friend was wildly successful and very generous with benefits that came from those successes - but that's not what people remember about him.  My friend was charming and smart and persuasive (a mover and shaker, if you will) and he had a knack for connecting with all kinds of people - and while that may have drawn people to him, that's not why they loved him.  By all accounts, my friend's son shared many of his father's gifts and talents - but that wasn't what brought hundreds of his peers to the field that night.  It can't really be boiled down into a single word or thought but the thing I heard over and over on Saturday night was how much my friend and his son invested in the people around them.  They poured out their time and love and energy and resources in service to others.  They gave themselves.

"God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another."  1 Peter 4:10 (NLT).

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I began writing this post with the words: "if I die young..."  I quickly realized, however, there are a few problems with that title.  First, "if" is a bit optimistic.  I think the odds on me eventually passing away are roughly 100%.  Second, if I die "young" is a little naive given my current...maturity.  Still, "if I die rapidly approaching middle age," while more accurate, doesn't really have the same ring to it.  But I digress...  The real question I'm asking myself is: What do I want my life on this earth to mean? 

I want people to know that I loved them - those closest to me and those who barely knew me.  I want everyone that crossed my path to feel like they mattered...that the were special and significant.  I want people to have good memories of me - times I made them laugh or feel valued, moments I encouraged them or strengthened them or made their lives a little bit easier.  I want to have pointed people toward Jesus - not because I was holy (pause for laughter) but because I really tried to rely on Him and did my best to love and forgive and comfort like He loved and forgave and comforted me.  I want people that asked me to pray to know that I really did pray for them.  I know I won't be everyone's cup of tea (heck, some people are just coffee people), but I'd love it if even the people that didn't like me all that much remembered me as kind...or generous...or good for a laugh (with me or at me, whatever the case may be).  I want my family and closest friends - who witnessed my very worst moments - to know, despite my many (MANY) flaws, that I loved them with all my heart and that I appreciated them and that my world was better because they were in it.   

So how do I get there?  What does that mean for today's agenda?  How does that picture of my life compare with my current priorities?  There's not one word about being awesome in my career or living debt-free or reaching my goal weight.  I don't picture my memorial service and imagine someone standing up to say how amazingly buff my arms were or that my 401k was really well funded.  So why am I spending so much of my time and energy and resources on things that I know in my heart are not the things that really matter to me?  More importantly, why am I NOT spending my time and energy and resources on things that I realize do matter:

RELATIONSHIPS.  PEOPLE.  ONE ANOTHER.

"Above all, love one another deeply..."

It's eye-opening and convicting and inspiring for me to realize how out of whack my priorities can get.  Not that being financially responsible or good at my job or healthy are bad goals - they're not bad goals at all.  They just aren't the kind of goals worth spending a life on.  If I'm going to pour out my time and energy and resources (and I am - we all are - one way or another), then I want to pour those precious and limited gifts somewhere they have the potential to make an impact.

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That's the word that has been stuck in my head since Saturday night: IMPACT.

My friend's life made an impact.  His son's life made an impact.

I know his family and friends will continue making an impact.

So now, his life and the life of his son, are not only my reminder - of the impact he had on me - but also my encouragement and inspiration to do better...to think about what really matters and how I'm spending my one and only life...to prioritize relationships...to give...and serve...and invest...to LOVE...and, hopefully, to make an impact too.

Thank you, my friend.  You've raised the bar for us all.
xoxo

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*The size of the crowd is significant, but not only for the obvious reasons.  To really grasp its larger implications, you need a little background information.  In about an area of about 150 square miles, there are a handful of communities with a total population of roughly 10,500 people (give or take).  TEN PERCENT of the area's population came out to remember my friend and his son.  That's impact.