I haven't had a lot to write about lately. Part of the problem is just the fact that life just gets busy - adjusting to a new job, training for my first marathon, and now the rapid acceleration of time that occurs every year around the holidays. It seems like October 31 until January 1 is just a blur every year.
I have plenty of excuses but the sad truth of it is that I haven't been feeling very close to God lately. I know He is unchanging. He never distances Himself from me or shuts me out...which means I'm definitely the problem. I just haven't been spending as much time seeking Him or listening for His voice lately. The result is that I don't have as much of the peace and joy that is available in His presence, and I miss out on the revelations He loves to give me if I'm close and quiet enough to hear.
All this got me thinking that perhaps the hardest part of my journey with God isn't the darkness of the valley or the self-centeredness of the mountaintop but the slow uncertainty of the in between.
We all love the good times - you get the dream job, you fall in love, your prayer is answered or your circumstances seem to fall in place. God's presence and goodness are impossible to miss on the mountaintop. And while no one wishes for the bad times when everything falls apart, there still seems to be a supernatural grace for those dark hours. His strength is made perfect in our weakness. It becomes clear that He is our only real comfort. So even though it's hard and painful, God somehow feels so close and so real that it makes the valley meaningful and worthwhile and bearable.
And yet, the reality is that most of life is spent somewhere in the middle - not the depths of the despair or the heights of ecstasy but the day in and day out of ordinary life. You go to school or work or the dentist. You take vacations. You shuttle around kids and clean house and stay up late watching "Friends" reruns. You spend time with the same people mostly doing the same things. You fold laundry and fold laundry and fold laundry. Eventually, you may even put up the laundry - or you dig it out of a pile and wear it and wash it and fold it again...but I digress. My point is that a big chunk of life is the mundane of pattern and routine. Rinse and repeat. Set your alarm with optimism. Hit snooze repeatedly with regret.
Life can start to feel like a whole lot of "meantime" between the big stuff, whether its the good (mountains) or the bad (valleys). [I've actually heard people refer to it as a "mean time" because so many of us struggle with the waiting, the mundane, the uncertain, the in-between...it feels "mean" to be stuck there.]
Hopefully, we are always growing and learning. Hopefully, we soak up every minute up and enjoy all the big and small moments that make up a life. Hopefully, we learn "the secret of being content in any and every situation" like Paul. (Philippians 4:12). But if you're like me, if doesn't feel like much is happening in the meantime you might just feel stuck...and tired...and uninspired...and frustrated.
I think these are the seasons the bible describes as periods of "waiting" or "resting" or "dwelling." I'm learning that in these "mean times" I need to practice what John 15 refers to as "abiding." Because even though I often feel all alone in these in-between seasons, God's word makes it clear that I'm actually in really good company. Abraham had to wait. Joseph waited. David waited. Moses waited. The Israelites waited over and over and over. Ruth. Ester. Jacob. Elisha. Caleb. Paul. JESUS.
Nobody's life is all mountains or all valleys - and that is part of God's kindness because we couldn't bear either of those. We'd either become proud and self-reliant and out of touch with the hurting or we'd be broken under the weight of our own sorrows. So God gives us the meantime to get to know Him...to discover how much He loves us...to learn how to love the people He loves better...to become more and more like Him.
"Everything God does is relational. He’s bent on turning every circumstance around so that we discover the height, depth, length and breadth of His love." - Graham Cooke
So how can I draw near to God in this mean time? How can I abide a little better?
I still have A LOT to learn but there are a few things God's been showing me:
1. I can rest. That doesn't mean taking more naps (although I'm convinced sometimes the most spiritual thing I can do for myself and the world around me is to just put myself to bed.) The rest I'm really talking about is a soul rest. It's letting go of what I can't control or change or understand. It's refusing to worry to have something to do. It's choosing to trust God. It's accepting who and where I am and remembering that God's love for me has nothing to do with my efforts.
"The Lord replied, 'My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.'" Exodus 33:14
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
2. I can choose truth over my feelings. Some things are true whether I feel them or not. God is sovereign...and good...and loving. When the world feels out of control, when there seems to be more evil than good, when the future looks bleak and hopeless, I can still choose to believe God's word and trust in His character. My feelings lie and change and half the time, even I can't understand them. This world and it's opinions are always shifting and morphing at the whim of the mob. Only God is consistent. Only His nature does not change. Only He is eternally trustworthy.
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17
"God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" Numbers 23:19
3. I can get my focus off myself. If I'm the center of my universe, life starts to feel really small and pointless and boring and petty. Let's face it...we are all lovely people but we make terrible universes (just ask someone close to you). When I shift my focus to loving the people around me and seeking out ways to bless others, I immediately start feeling better and lighter and more hopeful and closer to God. There are a thousand studies about the benefits of volunteering and doing acts of kindness. Try it. I promise you'll like it.
"Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to the family of faith." Galatians 6:10
"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32
Before we know it, another mountain or valley will arrive. How prepared we are and how we respond will depend a great deal on what we have been doing with the mean time. I don't want to waste another second.
"Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12
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