Once I went to a DC Talk concert and heard Toby Mac speak about returning to God after walking away. I vividly remember him moving across the stage, far away from the rest of the band. While he walked, he talked about how sometimes we find ourselves far from God - either because we've run from Him intentionally or we've simply drifted away because our focus is elsewhere. He said it might feel like a long journey to get back to intimacy with God because we believe we have to cover that same distance back to where we feel like we left him, but that's not true. At any moment, no matter how far away from God we feel we are, all we have to do is turn toward Him, and the minute we call to Him, God meets us right where we are. I've always remembered this illustration so vividly for some reason. It popped into my head again this week.
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Honestly, I've been struggling. Between the pandemic and the shutdowns and the election and the vaccine mandate and [what feels like] the endless assault on so many of the things I value (like freedom and civility, for starters)...my faith has started to feel a little wobbly. I still believe all the things - God is good, He is bigger than the problems we face, His kingdom is sovereign over everything, He promises to sustain us through trials, He's eternal when nothing else is, He knows the number of my days - but I'm so easily swept up in the fear and the anger and the noise that the world is constantly peddling. I really do know better, but it is a constant battle, sometimes minute by minute. I guess I've been feeling a little battle-fatigued, and I've let my discouragement and exhaustion and distraction slowly move me farther and farther away from my Father. Frankly, it has just been easier to shut down...to mindlessly scroll through social media, to binge watch a new series on Netflix, to sleep in a little more every day and to wallow in a little bit of worldliness disguised as rest.
The farther I move away from Him, the easier it becomes to do my own thing and ignore that still small voice. The less time I spend with Him, the easier it gets to spend all my time focused on myself or my problems (or the world and its problems which seem endless right now). The slippery slope of that little bit of space and little bit of distance leads to me feeling completely discouraged and hopeless and alone and afraid in way that makes the things I know about God hard to rest in and rely on.
So after several weeks spent focusing more and more on the problems of the world, worrying, speaking fear, imagining worst case scenarios, spending my "rest" time on things that are not actually restful. As a consequence, I've spent less time praying or reading God's word or speaking truth to myself. It isn't surprising to find myself back in a pit of discouragement, feeling far from God.
But this week, I began turning back...and being the faithful God that He is, He has met me right where I find myself.
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At the beginning of the year, I wrote a verse for each week in my planner (favorite verses that friends and family shared with me). Lately, they have been stacking up on my weekly "to do" list because I haven't taken the time to look them up and meditate on them during the week the came up in my planner. As only God can orchestrate, each one (given to me over nine months ago and placed haphazardly in my planner, and saved up to read right now) was a perfectly chosen balm to soothe my weary soul, calm my raging fears, and comfort my needy heart.
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2 Timothy 1:7: For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
Philippians 4:6: Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Romans 8:28: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Proverbs 16:9: In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.
John 14:27: Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
It feels like God spoke right into my fears and struggles and I felt so incredibly known and loved.
Not to sound like an infomercial, but wait! There's more!
When I'm discouraged by the world, I can take heart! Jesus has overcome the world! (John 16:33)
When I feel hard-hearted, I'm reminded to be merciful, as my Father is merciful! (Luke 6:36)
When I don't know what to do in this crazy world, I can think the greatest commandment and start there: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength...and love your neighbor as yourself. (Mark 12:29-31)
And when I'm weary, instead of turning to mind-numbing electronics or avoidance, I can come away and be in a quiet place with my Creator who gives me true rest. (Mark 6:31, Matthew 11:28-30)
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Starting tomorrow there are 100 days left in this year. Maybe your year, like mine, has been less than you hoped it would be. Would you consider joining me in committing a few minutes of each of those 100 days in prayer and reading God's word? Maybe He will redeem the remaining days of 2021 and make something beautiful. I'm certain of two things: if we seek Him, we will find Him and He is all we need.
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I'm not sure if this will help anyone or make sense to anyone but me. I pray that if you take the time to read this far, that you will be encouraged - and reminded - that you are seen, you are known, and you are loved beyond anything you can imagine. Rest in Him. He's the only truth, the only safe place, and the only one that can meet your needs. HE LOVES YOU.
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