too much

Some days are just too much. 

There are moments when this world just feels unbearable.  I wonder why God tolerates us sometimes.

A little girl was murdered in my state.  The details are too horrific to recount but her last moments on this earth must have been...I can't even think of a word.  There's no label bad enough.  The worst part is that her mother was involved.  I don't know all the details but the woman who gave her life and who was given the unique and miraculous privilege of protecting her, nurturing her, guiding her lovingly into adulthood instead invited in monsters.  Offered up her beautiful baby girl to evil beyond all imagination.  I don't care if she was a participant or simply stood idly by - she failed to guard the life entrusted to her.  The reports say she shows no remorse.

I know the excuses will be made.  Drugs.  Poverty.  Manipulation.  Abuse.  Nothing will change the fact that a precious child's last hours on this earth were spent in pain and fear - and her mother was right. there.  And she did nothing to stop it.  Worse still, she set the whole thing in motion.

I. just. cannot.

Thousands upon thousands in Louisiana have lost every single thing they own.  Hundreds are dead in Italy after an earthquake.  Two nuns were murdered.  NUNS!  Some guys blew up a turtle with fireworks.  A FREAKING TURTLE!!!  Cops pulled over a drunk driver and there was a baby in the backseat covered in vomit.  Seriously???

I. don't. understand.

***

I gave up tv in July 2013.  I don't watch the news anymore, I just get headlines online and occasionally google things.  There were lots of reasons I made the choice but one of the big ones was I just couldn't carry the weight of it anymore.  Sometimes when I look around the world, the view is so unbearably ugly I feel like I might get swallowed up by the darkness.

***

I can't tie this into a happy ending yet.  I don't get it and I don't understand why God tolerates it.  But I don't get a lot of things.  Gravity.  The internet.  How a criminal is running for president.  Why anyone pays attention to Kimye.  Pokemon.  Vegans.

So tonight I will try and stick to what I know.  God is good.  Without exception.  God is sovereign.  Without flaw.  God is love.  Without ending.

And when I really stop and think about it, for every single act of evil I've ever seen or heard about, I've seen or heard about 10,000 acts of good.  So tonight, when I don't have words or scriptures and I don't understand, I will think about all I know and focus on all the good I've seen.  I will trust that the hands that formed the world are holding each and every hurting heart tonight.

***

From the end of the Mockingjay...
Katniss: "Did you have a nightmare? I have nightmares too. Someday I'll explain it to you. Why they came, why they won't ever go away. But I'll tell you how I survive it. I make a list in my head... of all the good things I've seen someone do. Every little thing I can remember. It's like a game. I do it over and over. Gets a little tedious after all these years, but... there are much worse games to play."

***
UPDATE: If you read this, please take a moment to pray for the officers and first responders that found Victoria and for all her friends and family.  Thank you.