Last Saturday night I had the great privilege of witnessing something spectacular. On a high school football field in a tiny little town in southern New Mexico, under twilight skies and stadium lights, more than a thousand people* gathered to say goodbye. They cried together, laughed together and spent a couple hours remembering two young men who used a relatively brief time on earth to make an extraordinary impact. The event that triggered our gathering was a devastating tragedy, but, somehow, Saturday night was not a melancholy occasion. On the contrary, it was a celebration. A tribute to two well-lived lives. A glimpse into the incredible impact a person can have on the people and the world around him.
One of the young men remembered was my friend. The other young man was my friend's oldest son. The people who spoke described loving, charming, honorable men who shared their joy and smiles and fun and many gifts with those around them. I knew some of the stories...others I heard for the first time. I'd only met the son once or twice in passing when he was a little boy, but it was clear from all accounts that he was a special guy - wise for his age, fun and funny and smart and hardworking. Two remarkable people who forever changed the world around them simply by being the best versions of themselves.
***
I have to admit, when I first heard the news of their passing, my first thought was why. Why would God allow this? Why did this family have to suffer another loss? Why do bad things happen to such good people? Because of my faith, I truly believe to the depths of my soul that everything happens for a reason and that God works all things for good...but when something like this happens...I have to admit that I struggle...because I just don't understand. And the truth is, I will probably never understand this. But after Saturday night, my whys are a little different. Why was I so blessed to get to share in these lives? Why was God so kind to me to put my friend in my life? Why did I get the privilege of witnessing this amazing outpouring of love and community? And while I still don't understand, I'm so incredibly thankful. Since that night, my heart has been overflowing with gratitude...for the memories I
have with my friend...for the fact that his life touched mine...for the beautiful community we share.
When I left the field Saturday night, after hugging friends from a lifetime ago and crying with family and witnessing the very best this world has to offer in the love and faith and community and kindness being poured out in front of all of us, I felt an overwhelming peace and appreciation for the life I've been given. Growing up in a wonderful community, having a loving family, making friends and memories that have lasted a lifetime...I've been so incredibly blessed. It got me thinking about the legacy I want to leave when my days on this planet are over. How do I want to be remembered?
One thing that stood out to me after the service was all of the things that people didn't talk about. My friend was wildly successful and very generous with benefits that came from those successes - but that's not what people remember about him. My friend was charming and smart and persuasive (a mover and shaker, if you will) and he had a knack for connecting with all kinds of people - and while that may have drawn people to him, that's not why they loved him. By all accounts, my friend's son shared many of his father's gifts and talents - but that wasn't what brought hundreds of his peers to the field that night. It can't really be boiled down into a single word or thought but the thing I heard over and over on Saturday night was how much my friend and his son invested in the people around them. They poured out their time and love and energy and resources in service to others. They gave themselves.
"God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another." 1 Peter 4:10 (NLT).
***
I began writing this post with the words: "if I
die young..." I quickly realized, however, there are a few problems
with that title. First, "if" is a bit optimistic. I think the odds on
me eventually passing away are roughly 100%. Second, if I die "young"
is a little naive given my current...maturity. Still, "if I die rapidly
approaching middle age," while more accurate, doesn't really have the
same ring to it. But I digress... The real question I'm asking myself is: What do I want my life on this earth to
mean?
I want people to know that I loved them - those closest to me and those who
barely knew me. I want everyone that crossed my path to feel like they
mattered...that the were special and significant. I want people to have good memories of me - times I made them laugh or feel valued, moments I encouraged them or strengthened them or made their lives a little bit easier. I want to have pointed people toward Jesus - not because I was holy (pause for laughter) but because I really tried to rely on Him and did my best to love and forgive and comfort like He loved and forgave and comforted me. I want people that asked me to pray to know that I really did pray for them. I know I won't be everyone's cup of tea (heck, some people are just coffee people), but I'd love it if even the people that didn't like me all that much remembered me as kind...or generous...or good for a laugh (with me or at me, whatever the case may be). I want my family and closest friends - who witnessed my very worst moments - to know, despite my many (MANY) flaws, that I loved them with all my heart and that I appreciated them and that my world was better because they were in it.
So how do I get there? What does that mean for today's agenda? How does that picture of my life compare with my current priorities? There's not one word about being awesome in my career or living debt-free or reaching my goal weight. I don't picture my memorial service and imagine someone standing up to say how amazingly buff my arms were or that my 401k was really well funded. So why am I spending so much of my time and energy and resources on things that I know in my heart are not the things that really matter to me? More importantly, why am I NOT spending my time and energy and resources on things that I realize do matter:
RELATIONSHIPS. PEOPLE. ONE ANOTHER.
"Above all, love one another deeply..."
It's eye-opening and convicting and inspiring for me to realize how out of whack my priorities can get. Not that being financially responsible or good at my job or healthy are bad goals - they're not bad goals at all. They just aren't the kind of goals worth spending a life on. If I'm going to pour out my time and energy and resources (and I am - we all are - one way or another), then I want to pour those precious and limited gifts somewhere they have the potential to make an impact.
***
That's the word that has been stuck in my head since Saturday night: IMPACT.
My friend's life made an impact. His son's life made an impact.
I know his family and friends will continue making an impact.
So now, his life and the life of his son, are not only my reminder - of the impact he had on me - but also my encouragement and inspiration to do better...to think about what really matters and how I'm spending my one and only life...to prioritize relationships...to give...and serve...and invest...to LOVE...and, hopefully, to make an impact too.
Thank you, my friend. You've raised the bar for us all.
xoxo
***
*The size of the crowd is significant, but not only for the obvious reasons. To really grasp its larger implications, you need a little background information. In about an area of about 150 square miles, there are a handful of communities with a total population of roughly 10,500 people (give or take). TEN PERCENT of the area's population came out to remember my friend and his son. That's impact.
Tuesday, June 20, 2017
Wednesday, June 14, 2017
my small town family
"...when you see this please pray...something terrible has happened...he and his son are gone..."
I woke up at 3:02 a.m. this morning because I have a very naughty dog and I'm a lousy, undisciplined pet owner. That part isn't really relevant. I just happened to notice my phone, lit up with a missed text I had received just after midnight.
"...he and his son are gone..."
***
I grew up in a really small town. One school. When I was there, kindergarten through sixth grade was in one building. When you moved up to seventh grade, you moved up to the high school. Yep. Sharing the hallway and lockers and lunch room with the cool and completely terrifying seniors. My graduating class was a big one - and I think there were only 44 of us (give or take...its been a few years). Suffice it to say, everyone knows everyone...the kids older than you and the kids younger than you...the loud ones, the quiet ones, the jocks and the nerds and the alternative kids. In a small school, the labels don't seem to matter as much and you have to wear more than one because there just aren't enough people to fill up all the stereotypes otherwise. You could be a band geek AND a cheerleader. Do FFA and drama. Play football and sing in the choir. I'm sure its slightly more idyllic in my faded memory than it probably was in reality, but I'm pretty sure that even with its challenges, growing up in a small town is the best kind of growing up there is.
The greatest thing about growing up in a small town is the community. There are people, families, that I have known all my life. People I went to school with all the way through - people I literally grew up with - from kindergarten to graduation. Rode the bus together. Little league. Field trips. High school sports and clubs and FFA. Pool parties and rodeos and dates and dances and homecoming and prom. Celebrating graduation each year whether it was your graduation or not. And the beautiful thing about this kind of community is that it doesn't end when high school does. Later, its visiting friends at college, hearing about degrees and jobs, going to weddings, bumping in to parents and getting updates, meeting spouses then kids. Its wonderfully surreal...watching little boys and girls you chased on the playground and passed notes with and cheered in the bleachers with...now succeeding in careers and having families and building lives for themselves. It doesn't seem possible but one day, you look around and realize somehow we all grew up to become actual, real-life grown adults (whether we feel like it or not).
Some of us stayed in the community because we realized early the value of a small town life. Some of us left and came back as fast as we could. Some of us have moved away but intentionally stay close enough, or visit often enough, to keep connected.
If you're not blessed to come from a small town, I'm really sorry. There really is nothing like it. Knowing the same people and their families, sometimes for several generations, creates a community so close-knit its more like one huge extended family. You share a history...memories and stories and secrets...the same seasons of life...the same passions like high school sports, 4-H and FFA, the big rodeo over 4th of July weekend...the same rivalries with the next small town over... You tell the same stories about the crazy bus driver or the friendly town cop or the terrifying teacher or that girl with the huge thumb... You know the same places that make no sense to anyone else...IT and FM and "that" particular mile marker... You have shared experiences, more rare than you ever knew until you went out into the world and realized not everyone grew up taking 4 hour bus rides to play a basketball game or to cheer for the football team, not everyone has known the joy of searching for an outhouse to go on top of the homecoming bonfire or the pride of wearing an enormous mum all day, that not everyone took classes like meat-cutting and welding or experienced a police escort out of town for big game, that there are people who never spent their lunch hours at a gas station or doing donuts at the fair grounds, never went to parties in the middle of a field or a forest or at the end of a dirt road, never skipped school to lug paint up the hill to refresh your school's letter on the side of mountain...
I could go on and on...
But perhaps the biggest blessing of small town living is the love you have for your community and its members and then, later, your love for all the people they love and bring into the community. Whether its your classmate's wife, your friend's cousin, your sister's best friend's daughter or your best friend's dad...you love them because, in whatever way, they are connected someone you love. You're all part of the same little community. Part of the same family.
So when any one person is lost, we all break a little, we all mourn together and, ultimately...hopefully...we pause and remember how lucky we are to have each other.
***
Last night a man I've known since I was 5 was killed tragically, along with his son. I remember a laughing little boy with the bluest eyes you can imagine...and then a teenager with his football jersey on, teasing and joking in the hallway...and years later a man telling me about living back in our little community and what his little brother was up to and mourning his mother's tragic and untimely death... I remember the last time I saw him...old friends laughing about being the "grownups" now and his being on the radio and my ridiculous love life. He was the kind of guy everyone is proud to know - a good son, a good brother, a good friend. He was a leader, involved in his community and so incredibly supportive of our alma mater. He did more with his 39 years than most people do with twice that much time...but...he still leaves behind a thriving business and countless friends and family, including a dad and a brother and a beautiful wife and kids. As heartbroken as I feel, I cannot even begin to imagine their grief. There are no words.
***
And its not just him. A little over a week ago, the shy and quiet boy who graduated at the top of our class passed away suddenly. He had a successful business and friends and family and a lovely new bride. And while his family dealt with the devastation with a grace and peace that was completely miraculous, there still are no words. But its not just him either. There was the adorable younger cousin of my best friend. Amazing dads of of my dearest friends. Their lovely mother. Our high school football coach. His wife. That kind boy with the motorcycle. The quiet guy with the sad eyes. Her little sister. Their little brother. Daughters. Sons. Friends.
Each members of our little community...loved...and lost...and mourned...and remembered.
***
I'm not sure there is a point to this rambling, really. I just tend to find myself typing when my heart hurts and I don't understand. Sometimes I don't know what to do with the pain so I just ask God to wrap me up in His love and peace and comfort and hold me tight.
But when things happen that are awful and painful and impossible to comprehend or explain...when there are no words...it comforts me to remember the other things...those things that are wonderful and miraculous and beautiful and holy in this world.
And one of those things, for me, is the fact that I get to be a part of my small town family.
So for those of you hurting over the losses today (whether they are a little older or brand new), please know that the rest of us hurt with you. We lift you up. We are here if you need us. Most of all, WE LOVE YOU.
And for those members of our little community that are gone too soon, please know that we remember you and we always will. We will miss you until we see you again. We will love the people you left behind to the best of our ability. Most of all, WE LOVE YOU.
Rest in peace, my friends.
#CapitanTigers
I woke up at 3:02 a.m. this morning because I have a very naughty dog and I'm a lousy, undisciplined pet owner. That part isn't really relevant. I just happened to notice my phone, lit up with a missed text I had received just after midnight.
"...he and his son are gone..."
***
I grew up in a really small town. One school. When I was there, kindergarten through sixth grade was in one building. When you moved up to seventh grade, you moved up to the high school. Yep. Sharing the hallway and lockers and lunch room with the cool and completely terrifying seniors. My graduating class was a big one - and I think there were only 44 of us (give or take...its been a few years). Suffice it to say, everyone knows everyone...the kids older than you and the kids younger than you...the loud ones, the quiet ones, the jocks and the nerds and the alternative kids. In a small school, the labels don't seem to matter as much and you have to wear more than one because there just aren't enough people to fill up all the stereotypes otherwise. You could be a band geek AND a cheerleader. Do FFA and drama. Play football and sing in the choir. I'm sure its slightly more idyllic in my faded memory than it probably was in reality, but I'm pretty sure that even with its challenges, growing up in a small town is the best kind of growing up there is.
The greatest thing about growing up in a small town is the community. There are people, families, that I have known all my life. People I went to school with all the way through - people I literally grew up with - from kindergarten to graduation. Rode the bus together. Little league. Field trips. High school sports and clubs and FFA. Pool parties and rodeos and dates and dances and homecoming and prom. Celebrating graduation each year whether it was your graduation or not. And the beautiful thing about this kind of community is that it doesn't end when high school does. Later, its visiting friends at college, hearing about degrees and jobs, going to weddings, bumping in to parents and getting updates, meeting spouses then kids. Its wonderfully surreal...watching little boys and girls you chased on the playground and passed notes with and cheered in the bleachers with...now succeeding in careers and having families and building lives for themselves. It doesn't seem possible but one day, you look around and realize somehow we all grew up to become actual, real-life grown adults (whether we feel like it or not).
Some of us stayed in the community because we realized early the value of a small town life. Some of us left and came back as fast as we could. Some of us have moved away but intentionally stay close enough, or visit often enough, to keep connected.
If you're not blessed to come from a small town, I'm really sorry. There really is nothing like it. Knowing the same people and their families, sometimes for several generations, creates a community so close-knit its more like one huge extended family. You share a history...memories and stories and secrets...the same seasons of life...the same passions like high school sports, 4-H and FFA, the big rodeo over 4th of July weekend...the same rivalries with the next small town over... You tell the same stories about the crazy bus driver or the friendly town cop or the terrifying teacher or that girl with the huge thumb... You know the same places that make no sense to anyone else...IT and FM and "that" particular mile marker... You have shared experiences, more rare than you ever knew until you went out into the world and realized not everyone grew up taking 4 hour bus rides to play a basketball game or to cheer for the football team, not everyone has known the joy of searching for an outhouse to go on top of the homecoming bonfire or the pride of wearing an enormous mum all day, that not everyone took classes like meat-cutting and welding or experienced a police escort out of town for big game, that there are people who never spent their lunch hours at a gas station or doing donuts at the fair grounds, never went to parties in the middle of a field or a forest or at the end of a dirt road, never skipped school to lug paint up the hill to refresh your school's letter on the side of mountain...
I could go on and on...
But perhaps the biggest blessing of small town living is the love you have for your community and its members and then, later, your love for all the people they love and bring into the community. Whether its your classmate's wife, your friend's cousin, your sister's best friend's daughter or your best friend's dad...you love them because, in whatever way, they are connected someone you love. You're all part of the same little community. Part of the same family.
So when any one person is lost, we all break a little, we all mourn together and, ultimately...hopefully...we pause and remember how lucky we are to have each other.
***
Last night a man I've known since I was 5 was killed tragically, along with his son. I remember a laughing little boy with the bluest eyes you can imagine...and then a teenager with his football jersey on, teasing and joking in the hallway...and years later a man telling me about living back in our little community and what his little brother was up to and mourning his mother's tragic and untimely death... I remember the last time I saw him...old friends laughing about being the "grownups" now and his being on the radio and my ridiculous love life. He was the kind of guy everyone is proud to know - a good son, a good brother, a good friend. He was a leader, involved in his community and so incredibly supportive of our alma mater. He did more with his 39 years than most people do with twice that much time...but...he still leaves behind a thriving business and countless friends and family, including a dad and a brother and a beautiful wife and kids. As heartbroken as I feel, I cannot even begin to imagine their grief. There are no words.
***
And its not just him. A little over a week ago, the shy and quiet boy who graduated at the top of our class passed away suddenly. He had a successful business and friends and family and a lovely new bride. And while his family dealt with the devastation with a grace and peace that was completely miraculous, there still are no words. But its not just him either. There was the adorable younger cousin of my best friend. Amazing dads of of my dearest friends. Their lovely mother. Our high school football coach. His wife. That kind boy with the motorcycle. The quiet guy with the sad eyes. Her little sister. Their little brother. Daughters. Sons. Friends.
Each members of our little community...loved...and lost...and mourned...and remembered.
***
I'm not sure there is a point to this rambling, really. I just tend to find myself typing when my heart hurts and I don't understand. Sometimes I don't know what to do with the pain so I just ask God to wrap me up in His love and peace and comfort and hold me tight.
But when things happen that are awful and painful and impossible to comprehend or explain...when there are no words...it comforts me to remember the other things...those things that are wonderful and miraculous and beautiful and holy in this world.
And one of those things, for me, is the fact that I get to be a part of my small town family.
So for those of you hurting over the losses today (whether they are a little older or brand new), please know that the rest of us hurt with you. We lift you up. We are here if you need us. Most of all, WE LOVE YOU.
And for those members of our little community that are gone too soon, please know that we remember you and we always will. We will miss you until we see you again. We will love the people you left behind to the best of our ability. Most of all, WE LOVE YOU.
Rest in peace, my friends.
#CapitanTigers
Friday, March 3, 2017
3 years and 40 days (or I AM trumps I should)
March 1 marked three years since I moved to here and basically
started my life over again...again. [If you know me, you know that I
tend to do that (start my life over) on a fairly regular basis.] It has
been one of the best decisions I have ever made. I love being close to
my family, I love living in the shadow of the gorgeous Organ Mountains,
I love the 300+ days of sunshine and I love the abundance of chips and
salsa.
There have been some changes over the past three years...I made new friends, added a dog to my family, started a new job, left that job and started another new job, sold a house, built a house, welcomed a nephew, lost loved ones, grew my hair, cut my hair, dyed my hair...like 10 times. Still, in some ways, I feel like I haven't made as much progress as I would have liked. I get frustrated because I'm not moving forward (whatever that means) as fast as I should.
I should be more disciplined by now. I should be out of debt by now. I should be over it by now. I should be at my goal weight by now. I should be ready to settle down and start a family. I should have a church home or a small group or some accountability. I should stay in better touch. I should keep a cleaner house. I should teach my dog to stop barking. I should stick to my budget. I should eat more veggies and stop giving so much money to those girl scouts.
I should should should...
I get up on time one day and oversleep the other 6. (Yes, you can oversleep on the weekend...it happens when you set your alarm for something ridiculous like 10 am and still hit snooze and sleep until noon.)
I run regularly for 6 months then take 2 months off.
I look put together on Monday and like I got hit by a train by Friday.
I read my bible and listen to church podcasts in the morning then spend all evening watching crap tv.
I bring my lunch to work all week then blow all the money I saved on Amazon Prime. (But seriously, I really needed that firepit and firepit cover and marshmallow roasting sticks and food scale and barking collar and approximately 15 books on various topics.)
I have friends that are creating nonprofits and bodybuilding and running successful businesses while raising kids and having their own ministry and writing books and running ultra marathons and I'm trying to finish watching all the episodes of Dawson's Creek and eating frozen burritos for dinner. For me, an aspirational goal is doing a load of laundry from start to finish (i.e. getting it all the way to the closet in a single day, not a day to wash three days in the dryer and two weeks in a pile on top of the dryer).
***
March 1 also marked the beginning of Lent, Ash Wednesday. The solemn season leading up to Easter Sunday, when we celebrate the resurrection of Christ, the hope of the world. A season of fasting and reflection - making sacrifices to focus our hearts on the One who sacrificed everything to save us.
In deciding how I wanted to fix my eyes on Jesus this season, I found myself going back through all my "shoulds" and trying to pick one. [Ultimately, I did feel very convicted to give up watching t.v. and Netflix and Amazon Prime etc. so the Dawson's Creak marathon has been postponed indefinitely.]
But recently in the quiet moments, when I have tried to get really still and listen for the Holy Spirit's prompting, I keep sensing something bigger and more profound that I'm still trying to fully understand. Something to do with how little it matters that I struggle so much with I should because I'm loved by I AM.
Jesus said in John 14:6: "I AM the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." God told Moses in Exodus 3:14: "I AM WHO I AM."
He is I AM. And He loves me.
And because of that, I think He wants me to take a break from my shoulds.
***
That's not to say I don't need to make changes. I am always going to have improvements to make so that I can be and have and do all I am called to be and have and do. I'm certainly not throwing away my life-long addiction to personal development (as if I could). But I am going to try and beat myself up a little less and rest in my Father's love a little more. Stop regretting the past or fearing the future and enjoying the present because He's here with me.
Most of all, I'm going to focus on laying down all my shoulds at the feet of the great I AM. Because He cares for me...and meets my needs...and strengthens me...and because I AM is always going to be enough for me. And I AM trumps I should.
There have been some changes over the past three years...I made new friends, added a dog to my family, started a new job, left that job and started another new job, sold a house, built a house, welcomed a nephew, lost loved ones, grew my hair, cut my hair, dyed my hair...like 10 times. Still, in some ways, I feel like I haven't made as much progress as I would have liked. I get frustrated because I'm not moving forward (whatever that means) as fast as I should.
I should be more disciplined by now. I should be out of debt by now. I should be over it by now. I should be at my goal weight by now. I should be ready to settle down and start a family. I should have a church home or a small group or some accountability. I should stay in better touch. I should keep a cleaner house. I should teach my dog to stop barking. I should stick to my budget. I should eat more veggies and stop giving so much money to those girl scouts.
I should should should...
I get up on time one day and oversleep the other 6. (Yes, you can oversleep on the weekend...it happens when you set your alarm for something ridiculous like 10 am and still hit snooze and sleep until noon.)
I run regularly for 6 months then take 2 months off.
I look put together on Monday and like I got hit by a train by Friday.
I read my bible and listen to church podcasts in the morning then spend all evening watching crap tv.
I bring my lunch to work all week then blow all the money I saved on Amazon Prime. (But seriously, I really needed that firepit and firepit cover and marshmallow roasting sticks and food scale and barking collar and approximately 15 books on various topics.)
I have friends that are creating nonprofits and bodybuilding and running successful businesses while raising kids and having their own ministry and writing books and running ultra marathons and I'm trying to finish watching all the episodes of Dawson's Creek and eating frozen burritos for dinner. For me, an aspirational goal is doing a load of laundry from start to finish (i.e. getting it all the way to the closet in a single day, not a day to wash three days in the dryer and two weeks in a pile on top of the dryer).
***
March 1 also marked the beginning of Lent, Ash Wednesday. The solemn season leading up to Easter Sunday, when we celebrate the resurrection of Christ, the hope of the world. A season of fasting and reflection - making sacrifices to focus our hearts on the One who sacrificed everything to save us.
In deciding how I wanted to fix my eyes on Jesus this season, I found myself going back through all my "shoulds" and trying to pick one. [Ultimately, I did feel very convicted to give up watching t.v. and Netflix and Amazon Prime etc. so the Dawson's Creak marathon has been postponed indefinitely.]
But recently in the quiet moments, when I have tried to get really still and listen for the Holy Spirit's prompting, I keep sensing something bigger and more profound that I'm still trying to fully understand. Something to do with how little it matters that I struggle so much with I should because I'm loved by I AM.
Jesus said in John 14:6: "I AM the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." God told Moses in Exodus 3:14: "I AM WHO I AM."
He is I AM. And He loves me.
And because of that, I think He wants me to take a break from my shoulds.
***
That's not to say I don't need to make changes. I am always going to have improvements to make so that I can be and have and do all I am called to be and have and do. I'm certainly not throwing away my life-long addiction to personal development (as if I could). But I am going to try and beat myself up a little less and rest in my Father's love a little more. Stop regretting the past or fearing the future and enjoying the present because He's here with me.
Most of all, I'm going to focus on laying down all my shoulds at the feet of the great I AM. Because He cares for me...and meets my needs...and strengthens me...and because I AM is always going to be enough for me. And I AM trumps I should.
Tuesday, November 15, 2016
in the mean time
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1
I haven't had a lot to write about lately. Part of the problem is just the fact that life just gets busy - adjusting to a new job, training for my first marathon, and now the rapid acceleration of time that occurs every year around the holidays. It seems like October 31 until January 1 is just a blur every year.
I have plenty of excuses but the sad truth of it is that I haven't been feeling very close to God lately. I know He is unchanging. He never distances Himself from me or shuts me out...which means I'm definitely the problem. I just haven't been spending as much time seeking Him or listening for His voice lately. The result is that I don't have as much of the peace and joy that is available in His presence, and I miss out on the revelations He loves to give me if I'm close and quiet enough to hear.
All this got me thinking that perhaps the hardest part of my journey with God isn't the darkness of the valley or the self-centeredness of the mountaintop but the slow uncertainty of the in between.
We all love the good times - you get the dream job, you fall in love, your prayer is answered or your circumstances seem to fall in place. God's presence and goodness are impossible to miss on the mountaintop. And while no one wishes for the bad times when everything falls apart, there still seems to be a supernatural grace for those dark hours. His strength is made perfect in our weakness. It becomes clear that He is our only real comfort. So even though it's hard and painful, God somehow feels so close and so real that it makes the valley meaningful and worthwhile and bearable.
And yet, the reality is that most of life is spent somewhere in the middle - not the depths of the despair or the heights of ecstasy but the day in and day out of ordinary life. You go to school or work or the dentist. You take vacations. You shuttle around kids and clean house and stay up late watching "Friends" reruns. You spend time with the same people mostly doing the same things. You fold laundry and fold laundry and fold laundry. Eventually, you may even put up the laundry - or you dig it out of a pile and wear it and wash it and fold it again...but I digress. My point is that a big chunk of life is the mundane of pattern and routine. Rinse and repeat. Set your alarm with optimism. Hit snooze repeatedly with regret.
Life can start to feel like a whole lot of "meantime" between the big stuff, whether its the good (mountains) or the bad (valleys). [I've actually heard people refer to it as a "mean time" because so many of us struggle with the waiting, the mundane, the uncertain, the in-between...it feels "mean" to be stuck there.]
Hopefully, we are always growing and learning. Hopefully, we soak up every minute up and enjoy all the big and small moments that make up a life. Hopefully, we learn "the secret of being content in any and every situation" like Paul. (Philippians 4:12). But if you're like me, if doesn't feel like much is happening in the meantime you might just feel stuck...and tired...and uninspired...and frustrated.
I think these are the seasons the bible describes as periods of "waiting" or "resting" or "dwelling." I'm learning that in these "mean times" I need to practice what John 15 refers to as "abiding." Because even though I often feel all alone in these in-between seasons, God's word makes it clear that I'm actually in really good company. Abraham had to wait. Joseph waited. David waited. Moses waited. The Israelites waited over and over and over. Ruth. Ester. Jacob. Elisha. Caleb. Paul. JESUS.
Nobody's life is all mountains or all valleys - and that is part of God's kindness because we couldn't bear either of those. We'd either become proud and self-reliant and out of touch with the hurting or we'd be broken under the weight of our own sorrows. So God gives us the meantime to get to know Him...to discover how much He loves us...to learn how to love the people He loves better...to become more and more like Him.
"Everything God does is relational. He’s bent on turning every circumstance around so that we discover the height, depth, length and breadth of His love." - Graham Cooke
So how can I draw near to God in this mean time? How can I abide a little better?
I still have A LOT to learn but there are a few things God's been showing me:
1. I can rest. That doesn't mean taking more naps (although I'm convinced sometimes the most spiritual thing I can do for myself and the world around me is to just put myself to bed.) The rest I'm really talking about is a soul rest. It's letting go of what I can't control or change or understand. It's refusing to worry to have something to do. It's choosing to trust God. It's accepting who and where I am and remembering that God's love for me has nothing to do with my efforts.
"The Lord replied, 'My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.'" Exodus 33:14
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
2. I can choose truth over my feelings. Some things are true whether I feel them or not. God is sovereign...and good...and loving. When the world feels out of control, when there seems to be more evil than good, when the future looks bleak and hopeless, I can still choose to believe God's word and trust in His character. My feelings lie and change and half the time, even I can't understand them. This world and it's opinions are always shifting and morphing at the whim of the mob. Only God is consistent. Only His nature does not change. Only He is eternally trustworthy.
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17
"God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" Numbers 23:19
3. I can get my focus off myself. If I'm the center of my universe, life starts to feel really small and pointless and boring and petty. Let's face it...we are all lovely people but we make terrible universes (just ask someone close to you). When I shift my focus to loving the people around me and seeking out ways to bless others, I immediately start feeling better and lighter and more hopeful and closer to God. There are a thousand studies about the benefits of volunteering and doing acts of kindness. Try it. I promise you'll like it.
"Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to the family of faith." Galatians 6:10
"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32
Before we know it, another mountain or valley will arrive. How prepared we are and how we respond will depend a great deal on what we have been doing with the mean time. I don't want to waste another second.
I haven't had a lot to write about lately. Part of the problem is just the fact that life just gets busy - adjusting to a new job, training for my first marathon, and now the rapid acceleration of time that occurs every year around the holidays. It seems like October 31 until January 1 is just a blur every year.
I have plenty of excuses but the sad truth of it is that I haven't been feeling very close to God lately. I know He is unchanging. He never distances Himself from me or shuts me out...which means I'm definitely the problem. I just haven't been spending as much time seeking Him or listening for His voice lately. The result is that I don't have as much of the peace and joy that is available in His presence, and I miss out on the revelations He loves to give me if I'm close and quiet enough to hear.
All this got me thinking that perhaps the hardest part of my journey with God isn't the darkness of the valley or the self-centeredness of the mountaintop but the slow uncertainty of the in between.
We all love the good times - you get the dream job, you fall in love, your prayer is answered or your circumstances seem to fall in place. God's presence and goodness are impossible to miss on the mountaintop. And while no one wishes for the bad times when everything falls apart, there still seems to be a supernatural grace for those dark hours. His strength is made perfect in our weakness. It becomes clear that He is our only real comfort. So even though it's hard and painful, God somehow feels so close and so real that it makes the valley meaningful and worthwhile and bearable.
And yet, the reality is that most of life is spent somewhere in the middle - not the depths of the despair or the heights of ecstasy but the day in and day out of ordinary life. You go to school or work or the dentist. You take vacations. You shuttle around kids and clean house and stay up late watching "Friends" reruns. You spend time with the same people mostly doing the same things. You fold laundry and fold laundry and fold laundry. Eventually, you may even put up the laundry - or you dig it out of a pile and wear it and wash it and fold it again...but I digress. My point is that a big chunk of life is the mundane of pattern and routine. Rinse and repeat. Set your alarm with optimism. Hit snooze repeatedly with regret.
Life can start to feel like a whole lot of "meantime" between the big stuff, whether its the good (mountains) or the bad (valleys). [I've actually heard people refer to it as a "mean time" because so many of us struggle with the waiting, the mundane, the uncertain, the in-between...it feels "mean" to be stuck there.]
Hopefully, we are always growing and learning. Hopefully, we soak up every minute up and enjoy all the big and small moments that make up a life. Hopefully, we learn "the secret of being content in any and every situation" like Paul. (Philippians 4:12). But if you're like me, if doesn't feel like much is happening in the meantime you might just feel stuck...and tired...and uninspired...and frustrated.
I think these are the seasons the bible describes as periods of "waiting" or "resting" or "dwelling." I'm learning that in these "mean times" I need to practice what John 15 refers to as "abiding." Because even though I often feel all alone in these in-between seasons, God's word makes it clear that I'm actually in really good company. Abraham had to wait. Joseph waited. David waited. Moses waited. The Israelites waited over and over and over. Ruth. Ester. Jacob. Elisha. Caleb. Paul. JESUS.
Nobody's life is all mountains or all valleys - and that is part of God's kindness because we couldn't bear either of those. We'd either become proud and self-reliant and out of touch with the hurting or we'd be broken under the weight of our own sorrows. So God gives us the meantime to get to know Him...to discover how much He loves us...to learn how to love the people He loves better...to become more and more like Him.
"Everything God does is relational. He’s bent on turning every circumstance around so that we discover the height, depth, length and breadth of His love." - Graham Cooke
So how can I draw near to God in this mean time? How can I abide a little better?
I still have A LOT to learn but there are a few things God's been showing me:
1. I can rest. That doesn't mean taking more naps (although I'm convinced sometimes the most spiritual thing I can do for myself and the world around me is to just put myself to bed.) The rest I'm really talking about is a soul rest. It's letting go of what I can't control or change or understand. It's refusing to worry to have something to do. It's choosing to trust God. It's accepting who and where I am and remembering that God's love for me has nothing to do with my efforts.
"The Lord replied, 'My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.'" Exodus 33:14
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
2. I can choose truth over my feelings. Some things are true whether I feel them or not. God is sovereign...and good...and loving. When the world feels out of control, when there seems to be more evil than good, when the future looks bleak and hopeless, I can still choose to believe God's word and trust in His character. My feelings lie and change and half the time, even I can't understand them. This world and it's opinions are always shifting and morphing at the whim of the mob. Only God is consistent. Only His nature does not change. Only He is eternally trustworthy.
"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17
"God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" Numbers 23:19
3. I can get my focus off myself. If I'm the center of my universe, life starts to feel really small and pointless and boring and petty. Let's face it...we are all lovely people but we make terrible universes (just ask someone close to you). When I shift my focus to loving the people around me and seeking out ways to bless others, I immediately start feeling better and lighter and more hopeful and closer to God. There are a thousand studies about the benefits of volunteering and doing acts of kindness. Try it. I promise you'll like it.
"Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to the family of faith." Galatians 6:10
"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Ephesians 4:32
Before we know it, another mountain or valley will arrive. How prepared we are and how we respond will depend a great deal on what we have been doing with the mean time. I don't want to waste another second.
"Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12
Thursday, November 10, 2016
can we all be friends again yet?
The past few days have been hard on my heart. Not because of the election results - I believe God puts people in power, whether it's the person I voted for or not. No, my heart has been hurt by the people that I love who have said or posted things that condescendingly lump together every other person that saw things differently than they did. [And since the politics of this country are pretty evenly divided, every time we talk about "them" we are talking about half of all Americans...if you're like me and have a diverse group of friends, that could be a lot of people you care about.]
I know this was a particularly bitter election. I know people are passionately invested in their view - I'm one of them. I've been devastated over elections in the past because I truly could not comprehend what the people who voted opposite me were thinking. But it is one thing to not understand or think the person who voted differently from you was wrong...misinformed...naive. It is entirely another to size up their hearts and assign them motives based on your opinions. And I'm sick of it. And I'm suddenly awfully sorry for all the times I've done it.
If you know me at all you know that I'm not a racist. I'm not homophobic. I'm not uneducated or illiterate. I'm not sexist or a misogynist. I try not to hate anybody. I really, truly have been praying and preparing to respect a leader I didn't vote for - a leader that I believed to be a liar and a cheater and a briber and quite possibly a murderer...a leader that believes things that go against my most important deeply held values. But as a believer, I'm called to respect authority. As an American, I'm called to appreciate the freedom we have and that means accepting what the people choose even when I think they've chosen wrong...even when their choice does not reflect me. I realize that a lot of people were genuinely shocked by the outcome of the election so I'm trying to have grace and compassion for those that maybe haven't had enough time yet to adjust. I know the stages of grief that come before acceptance. I know it's hard. Believe me, when it comes to politics, I've been there...more than once.
But...
I keep thinking about how, as a believer, I can show love. How do I walk in love when people that I love are saying incredibly hateful things about me by lumping me into a group. I've tried to stay silent. I've resisted the urge to defend myself over and over. (I didn't vote for hate, I voted against tyranny. I didn't vote for a bully I voted against a crook. What should you tell your kids? Well tell them to be encouraged that you still can't lie, cheat, steal and murder your way into power. How did this happen? This happened because a lot of us are sick of being condescended to because we still value things like freedom and opportunity and life even if it is unborn.) Because, you see, that is a big part of the problem - we are all picking our version of the "truth" and then throwing everyone else with a different "truth" under the bus. We've got a bunch of labels we get to pick and apply. I have seen so many slanted posts, articles, etc. that are presented as "truth" that I just want to scream. No matter how authoritatively you say something, no matter how strongly you believe it, that doesn't make it TRUTH. It's still your opinion. Well, he IS a bully. Nope. Opinion. Well, she IS a crook. You guessed it, opinion. Because very few things in this world are actually unequivocally true and when it comes to sizing up people's hearts and motives, we cannot know the depths of another person. We can't. Not possible. Yes, he's said incredibly insensitive things. Yes, she's been investigated. Yes, we are all entitled to our opinions and our slant and yes, we're allowed to look down on people that just don't "get it" (according to us).
Unless...
If you're a believer, like me, we're called to something higher.
We're called to love our neighbors as ourselves.
Some of you are saying incredibly hateful things about me and my vote. And I'm afraid if the tables were turned, I would be saying incredibly hateful things about you and your vote. But I hope not. I hope that I would be trying with all my might to be gracious and optimistic. Because no single man or woman is going to destroy our country. We the people might try but that's possible no matter who is President. Ultimately, Jesus reigned long before there was a United States and He will reign long after this incredible idea has passed away.
Can we at least consider that we might never be able to change the world or politics on our own but we are going to interact with our friends and loved ones in real life, face to face? And the things we are saying and doing right now impacts those friends and loved ones?
It hurts me when you categorize me as a bigot or an idiot or a homophobe. I'm sure it hurts you when I categorize you as a baby killer or a free-loader or a moron. It's not true and it's not helpful. And I am so very sorry. I remember how disappointed I've been in past elections. I said things I wish I could take back. This time, I'm trying to listen. To love. To understand. And all I can say is this: I'm sorry you're hurting. I'm sorry that you're confused and disappointed. I'm sorry you feel helpless and hopeless and out of touch with the new administration. I understand. I've felt all those things. But can we just pause for a moment and remember who we are? Remember our relationship? I'm your friend, your niece, your co-worker. I didn't vote out of hate, I voted out of the same frustration you're feeling. I voted out of my faith just like you did. Can't we disagree on what this country needs and still realize we need each other? Can't we still try to be kind instead of condescending? Oh how I hope so.
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
1 Peter 4:8
I know this was a particularly bitter election. I know people are passionately invested in their view - I'm one of them. I've been devastated over elections in the past because I truly could not comprehend what the people who voted opposite me were thinking. But it is one thing to not understand or think the person who voted differently from you was wrong...misinformed...naive. It is entirely another to size up their hearts and assign them motives based on your opinions. And I'm sick of it. And I'm suddenly awfully sorry for all the times I've done it.
If you know me at all you know that I'm not a racist. I'm not homophobic. I'm not uneducated or illiterate. I'm not sexist or a misogynist. I try not to hate anybody. I really, truly have been praying and preparing to respect a leader I didn't vote for - a leader that I believed to be a liar and a cheater and a briber and quite possibly a murderer...a leader that believes things that go against my most important deeply held values. But as a believer, I'm called to respect authority. As an American, I'm called to appreciate the freedom we have and that means accepting what the people choose even when I think they've chosen wrong...even when their choice does not reflect me. I realize that a lot of people were genuinely shocked by the outcome of the election so I'm trying to have grace and compassion for those that maybe haven't had enough time yet to adjust. I know the stages of grief that come before acceptance. I know it's hard. Believe me, when it comes to politics, I've been there...more than once.
But...
I keep thinking about how, as a believer, I can show love. How do I walk in love when people that I love are saying incredibly hateful things about me by lumping me into a group. I've tried to stay silent. I've resisted the urge to defend myself over and over. (I didn't vote for hate, I voted against tyranny. I didn't vote for a bully I voted against a crook. What should you tell your kids? Well tell them to be encouraged that you still can't lie, cheat, steal and murder your way into power. How did this happen? This happened because a lot of us are sick of being condescended to because we still value things like freedom and opportunity and life even if it is unborn.) Because, you see, that is a big part of the problem - we are all picking our version of the "truth" and then throwing everyone else with a different "truth" under the bus. We've got a bunch of labels we get to pick and apply. I have seen so many slanted posts, articles, etc. that are presented as "truth" that I just want to scream. No matter how authoritatively you say something, no matter how strongly you believe it, that doesn't make it TRUTH. It's still your opinion. Well, he IS a bully. Nope. Opinion. Well, she IS a crook. You guessed it, opinion. Because very few things in this world are actually unequivocally true and when it comes to sizing up people's hearts and motives, we cannot know the depths of another person. We can't. Not possible. Yes, he's said incredibly insensitive things. Yes, she's been investigated. Yes, we are all entitled to our opinions and our slant and yes, we're allowed to look down on people that just don't "get it" (according to us).
Unless...
If you're a believer, like me, we're called to something higher.
We're called to love our neighbors as ourselves.
Some of you are saying incredibly hateful things about me and my vote. And I'm afraid if the tables were turned, I would be saying incredibly hateful things about you and your vote. But I hope not. I hope that I would be trying with all my might to be gracious and optimistic. Because no single man or woman is going to destroy our country. We the people might try but that's possible no matter who is President. Ultimately, Jesus reigned long before there was a United States and He will reign long after this incredible idea has passed away.
Can we at least consider that we might never be able to change the world or politics on our own but we are going to interact with our friends and loved ones in real life, face to face? And the things we are saying and doing right now impacts those friends and loved ones?
It hurts me when you categorize me as a bigot or an idiot or a homophobe. I'm sure it hurts you when I categorize you as a baby killer or a free-loader or a moron. It's not true and it's not helpful. And I am so very sorry. I remember how disappointed I've been in past elections. I said things I wish I could take back. This time, I'm trying to listen. To love. To understand. And all I can say is this: I'm sorry you're hurting. I'm sorry that you're confused and disappointed. I'm sorry you feel helpless and hopeless and out of touch with the new administration. I understand. I've felt all those things. But can we just pause for a moment and remember who we are? Remember our relationship? I'm your friend, your niece, your co-worker. I didn't vote out of hate, I voted out of the same frustration you're feeling. I voted out of my faith just like you did. Can't we disagree on what this country needs and still realize we need each other? Can't we still try to be kind instead of condescending? Oh how I hope so.
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
1 Peter 4:8
Thursday, November 3, 2016
enough
You know those moments when you witness or hear about or participate in something extraordinary? When, like clouds breaking to reveal a beautiful sunny sky, all of the sudden the confusion and difficulty and pain of this world lifts...and you feel like you're a part of something massive and priceless and eternal? Suddenly, love feels sweeping and palpable...and good is so completely and obviously greater than evil...and your existence is instantly filled with meaning?
a boy gives a stranger the shoes off his feet
a runner stops and goes back to help the competition cross the finish line
strangers work together and risk their own safety to rescue a dog from a raging river
a major city orchestrates a day for a little boy to be a hero
college students dress up like storybook characters to cheer up kids in the hospital
competing teams work together to let the team manager with autism score a goal
a man defends a girl he doesn't know at a bus stop from bullies
concertgoers lift up a guy in a wheelchair so he can see the show better
an entire town comes together to learn sign language for one young man
people shave their heads so that loved ones going through cancer don't feel so alone
a hairdresser goes around giving free makeovers to homeless people
people take time to serve the weak, the scared, the elderly, the broken
and this list could go on and on and on
*THIS* IS WHAT WE'RE CAPABLE OF.
*THIS* IS THE CROWNING JEWEL OF CREATION.
*THIS* IS HUMANITY.
***
Last night I had coffee with someone that I find to be extraordinarily beautiful and stylish and talented and lovely and good and kind and gentle and thoughtful and fun and sweet and about a billion other things and tears welled up in her eyes because the voice in her head doesn't speak those nice things to her. The eyes that look in her mirror don't see what's really there. She feels all kinds of things about herself but they can all be summed up in two little words.
not enough.
More often than not, she feels like she's just not quite "enough" - whatever enough is.
***
I'm in a Voxer group with several incredible, talented, smart, funny, creative, strong, beautiful, generous, loving (seriously, I could go on and on) women. Lately, we have been talking about self-image...about the horrible, mean things we tell ourselves and the judgments we've felt from family and friends and strangers over our lifetimes. Every single one of us has felt it. Some of us feel it still. Sometimes it's all we feel.
not enough.
We don't all agree what "enough" would look like or feel like but we agree that its a struggle to find it and live there.
***
I have an amazing life. I've been blessed beyond anything I could ever hope to deserve. Incredible family. Amazing friends. Health. Education. Opportunity. Provision. And for most of my life - nearly as far back as I can remember - I've battled depression. It's too complicated to sum up in a paragraph but an enormous part of my struggle is the fact that I live with a cruel and spiteful bully. Nearly every waking minute, she's taunting me: "you're hideous...why can't you do anything right...you look awful...no one wants to be around you...you're not smart enough to do this...nobody cares what you think...you are such a disaster...this is why you're single...you're completely unlovable..." I would never spend time with another human being that treated me like this, and yet I let this wench berate me 24/7. She reminds me over and over.
not enough.
Maybe I could be if I stopped hitting snooze or lost the weight or got out of debt...but certainly not the way I am right.this.second.
***
I know it sometimes feels like this world is going to hell in a handbasket. I know life is hard and scary and impossible to understand. I know some people are walking through circumstances I can't even bear to imagine. So I'm not trying to be naive or simplistic. I'm not trying to minimize anyone's struggle or pain. And I'm not trying to be bossy. Really. I'm not. But...
I think there is a really cool thing we should all try. (But since I'm only in charge of me, I will just go ahead and get started.)
JUST BE KIND.
Be kind. Be kind. Be kind.
Be kind to the people you work with.
Be kind to strangers.
Be kind to people who are like you...and the people who are different.
Be kind to the Democrats...and to the Republicans...and to those radicals that are messing everything by voting third party. (I kid, I kid.)
Be kind to the people that don't drive right...the ones that take 23 items into the 10 item lane...the ones that text during movies. (Insert your own pet peeve and then be kind to that person.)
Be kind to your family - I think sometimes that's harder because they've already seen your warts and they have to love you anyway...but that shouldn't be a license to test their endurance. Yes, they can handle the worst of you...but don't they deserve the best? Just try it. Be kind.
Now here is the really hard part...
BE KIND TO YOURSELF.
YOU. The person reading this. Whoever you are. Whatever is going on in your world.
For just a moment tell that voice in your head that sounds like you but is a really mean little jerk to SHUT THE HELL UP. (I'm sorry but I'm fired up!)
You are incredible.
You are lovely and rare and special in ways you can't begin to imagine.
You are loved. I promise you are.
You have so much good to offer this world and you're the only one that can give it. No one else can be you. Ever. In all of history and for all the time to come.
You matter.
You are priceless.
You deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin.
You don't have to strive so hard - just rest for a minute in the reality that by just being you, you're changing the world forever.
You deserve to be at peace with yourself.
You - exactly how you are in this very moment - are enough.
You are enough.
You are enough.
You are enough.
***
Ok, so remember how this all started - that feeling you get in the presence of the extraordinary? You have the capacity to bring that feeling to everyone around you because...
YOU ARE EXTRAORDINARY.
You are. It is a fact. You don't have to believe me. Just sit with it for a moment and ask God what He thinks about you.
***
Now - go out into the world and be who you are.
Try looking for the extraordinary in every single person you cross paths with.
See what happens.
*THIS* IS WHAT WE'RE CAPABLE OF.
*THIS* IS THE CROWNING JEWEL OF CREATION.
*THIS* IS HUMANITY.
P.S. If you ever need a reminder that people are extraordinary, google "restore faith in humanity" and you'll be bombarded with examples. You should also follow Love What Matters on Facebook. You're welcome.
a boy gives a stranger the shoes off his feet
a runner stops and goes back to help the competition cross the finish line
strangers work together and risk their own safety to rescue a dog from a raging river
a major city orchestrates a day for a little boy to be a hero
college students dress up like storybook characters to cheer up kids in the hospital
competing teams work together to let the team manager with autism score a goal
a man defends a girl he doesn't know at a bus stop from bullies
concertgoers lift up a guy in a wheelchair so he can see the show better
an entire town comes together to learn sign language for one young man
people shave their heads so that loved ones going through cancer don't feel so alone
a hairdresser goes around giving free makeovers to homeless people
people take time to serve the weak, the scared, the elderly, the broken
and this list could go on and on and on
*THIS* IS WHAT WE'RE CAPABLE OF.
*THIS* IS THE CROWNING JEWEL OF CREATION.
*THIS* IS HUMANITY.
***
Last night I had coffee with someone that I find to be extraordinarily beautiful and stylish and talented and lovely and good and kind and gentle and thoughtful and fun and sweet and about a billion other things and tears welled up in her eyes because the voice in her head doesn't speak those nice things to her. The eyes that look in her mirror don't see what's really there. She feels all kinds of things about herself but they can all be summed up in two little words.
not enough.
More often than not, she feels like she's just not quite "enough" - whatever enough is.
***
I'm in a Voxer group with several incredible, talented, smart, funny, creative, strong, beautiful, generous, loving (seriously, I could go on and on) women. Lately, we have been talking about self-image...about the horrible, mean things we tell ourselves and the judgments we've felt from family and friends and strangers over our lifetimes. Every single one of us has felt it. Some of us feel it still. Sometimes it's all we feel.
not enough.
We don't all agree what "enough" would look like or feel like but we agree that its a struggle to find it and live there.
***
I have an amazing life. I've been blessed beyond anything I could ever hope to deserve. Incredible family. Amazing friends. Health. Education. Opportunity. Provision. And for most of my life - nearly as far back as I can remember - I've battled depression. It's too complicated to sum up in a paragraph but an enormous part of my struggle is the fact that I live with a cruel and spiteful bully. Nearly every waking minute, she's taunting me: "you're hideous...why can't you do anything right...you look awful...no one wants to be around you...you're not smart enough to do this...nobody cares what you think...you are such a disaster...this is why you're single...you're completely unlovable..." I would never spend time with another human being that treated me like this, and yet I let this wench berate me 24/7. She reminds me over and over.
not enough.
Maybe I could be if I stopped hitting snooze or lost the weight or got out of debt...but certainly not the way I am right.this.second.
***
I know it sometimes feels like this world is going to hell in a handbasket. I know life is hard and scary and impossible to understand. I know some people are walking through circumstances I can't even bear to imagine. So I'm not trying to be naive or simplistic. I'm not trying to minimize anyone's struggle or pain. And I'm not trying to be bossy. Really. I'm not. But...
I think there is a really cool thing we should all try. (But since I'm only in charge of me, I will just go ahead and get started.)
JUST BE KIND.
Be kind. Be kind. Be kind.
Be kind to the people you work with.
Be kind to strangers.
Be kind to people who are like you...and the people who are different.
Be kind to the Democrats...and to the Republicans...and to those radicals that are messing everything by voting third party. (I kid, I kid.)
Be kind to the people that don't drive right...the ones that take 23 items into the 10 item lane...the ones that text during movies. (Insert your own pet peeve and then be kind to that person.)
Be kind to your family - I think sometimes that's harder because they've already seen your warts and they have to love you anyway...but that shouldn't be a license to test their endurance. Yes, they can handle the worst of you...but don't they deserve the best? Just try it. Be kind.
Now here is the really hard part...
BE KIND TO YOURSELF.
YOU. The person reading this. Whoever you are. Whatever is going on in your world.
For just a moment tell that voice in your head that sounds like you but is a really mean little jerk to SHUT THE HELL UP. (I'm sorry but I'm fired up!)
You are incredible.
You are lovely and rare and special in ways you can't begin to imagine.
You are loved. I promise you are.
You have so much good to offer this world and you're the only one that can give it. No one else can be you. Ever. In all of history and for all the time to come.
You matter.
You are priceless.
You deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin.
You don't have to strive so hard - just rest for a minute in the reality that by just being you, you're changing the world forever.
You deserve to be at peace with yourself.
You - exactly how you are in this very moment - are enough.
You are enough.
You are enough.
You are enough.
***
Ok, so remember how this all started - that feeling you get in the presence of the extraordinary? You have the capacity to bring that feeling to everyone around you because...
YOU ARE EXTRAORDINARY.
You are. It is a fact. You don't have to believe me. Just sit with it for a moment and ask God what He thinks about you.
***
Now - go out into the world and be who you are.
Try looking for the extraordinary in every single person you cross paths with.
See what happens.
*THIS* IS WHAT WE'RE CAPABLE OF.
*THIS* IS THE CROWNING JEWEL OF CREATION.
*THIS* IS HUMANITY.
P.S. If you ever need a reminder that people are extraordinary, google "restore faith in humanity" and you'll be bombarded with examples. You should also follow Love What Matters on Facebook. You're welcome.
Tuesday, October 11, 2016
new every morning
"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'" Lamentations 3:22-24
Today I'm starting a new job but it feels bigger than just a first day...it feels like an entirely new beginning. Maybe it is because I got to take a month off to travel and reflect. Maybe it is because I'm completely changing practice areas. Maybe it has more to do with the fact that fall always feels like the time for fresh starts.
It might also have to do with the fact that today I have been apart from the person I thought was "the one" for the same amount of time as we were together.
Altogether, it feels like a tipping point...a reboot, if you will.
***
I'm notorious for my "new beginnings". I love starting a new program or setting new goals or making elaborate schedules or radical life makeovers. I plan and plot and usually write out extensive to do lists and step by step processes.
My struggle is always in the application...putting the plan into action. Because while I'm great with lists and strategies...I'm not so great with the follow through. Every new month and every new Monday brings a new opportunity to make some huge life change - I strategize, schedule, set my alarm and usually...nothing changes. I hit snooze, make excuses for running out of steam and life change gets put off for the next Monday, the next month.
***
But the reality is I don't have to wait for a new job or a new relationship or a new season or even a new Monday. Because God, in His infinite kindness, gives me a fresh dose of His grace and mercy daily. He knows before I do how much I'm going to need it. He knows I can't handle even a day in my own strength. He knows me.
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:33-34
So today, I didn't get up with my first (or second...or third...) alarm. I didn't run or do my pushups - they will be postponed until this evening. But I did seek Him. Because I want to walk through this day - through every day - with Him. I want this new start to be in obedience. I believe He put me in this place, in this season, and I don't want to miss a single thing He has for me. I want Him to be my portion. I want to seek His righteousness.
And I know that regardless of my many failures or falterings, He will be enough for me today.
Because He loves me.
And that is more than enough.
"I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently find me." Proverbs 8:17
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11
Today I'm starting a new job but it feels bigger than just a first day...it feels like an entirely new beginning. Maybe it is because I got to take a month off to travel and reflect. Maybe it is because I'm completely changing practice areas. Maybe it has more to do with the fact that fall always feels like the time for fresh starts.
It might also have to do with the fact that today I have been apart from the person I thought was "the one" for the same amount of time as we were together.
Altogether, it feels like a tipping point...a reboot, if you will.
***
I'm notorious for my "new beginnings". I love starting a new program or setting new goals or making elaborate schedules or radical life makeovers. I plan and plot and usually write out extensive to do lists and step by step processes.
My struggle is always in the application...putting the plan into action. Because while I'm great with lists and strategies...I'm not so great with the follow through. Every new month and every new Monday brings a new opportunity to make some huge life change - I strategize, schedule, set my alarm and usually...nothing changes. I hit snooze, make excuses for running out of steam and life change gets put off for the next Monday, the next month.
***
But the reality is I don't have to wait for a new job or a new relationship or a new season or even a new Monday. Because God, in His infinite kindness, gives me a fresh dose of His grace and mercy daily. He knows before I do how much I'm going to need it. He knows I can't handle even a day in my own strength. He knows me.
"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:33-34
So today, I didn't get up with my first (or second...or third...) alarm. I didn't run or do my pushups - they will be postponed until this evening. But I did seek Him. Because I want to walk through this day - through every day - with Him. I want this new start to be in obedience. I believe He put me in this place, in this season, and I don't want to miss a single thing He has for me. I want Him to be my portion. I want to seek His righteousness.
And I know that regardless of my many failures or falterings, He will be enough for me today.
Because He loves me.
And that is more than enough.
"I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently find me." Proverbs 8:17
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11
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